Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay

What Elena Ferrante's Neapolitan novels can teach us about living in—and leaving—Mississippi.

Do I stay or do I leave? That was the question that prompted me to start Rooted two years ago, after coming through the other side of Jackson’s months-long water crisis. It’s a question that pursues many of us Mississippians, though our answers are deeply individual and constantly changing. 

The question of whether to stay or leave, however, is by no means unique to Mississippians. In this age of war and political turmoil and ongoing climate catastrophe, the decision to stay in or leave the place we’re from—or the place we’ve chosen to call home—is not just a philosophical one; for many it’s a matter of survival. To be able to mull questions of place and belonging is a privilege.

As someone who has both left my childhood home and stayed thus far in my chosen home, I’m always on the lookout for stories of people who have confronted this universal, existential conundrum of human existence. Last month I didn’t have to look further than my own book shelf. I found myself considering the Mississippi of it all while deep into author Elena Ferrante’s acclaimed Neapolitan novels, the four-book series beginning with My Brilliant Friend. 

In real life, we can’t divide our lives cleanly into the “stay” or “leave” camp. We leave and stay in jobs, relationships, houses, schools, and cities. And sometimes we leave only later to return. But Ferrante picks up on a deep truth, which is that the decision to stay or leave our homes is perhaps the most impactful choice we can make.

The series mostly take place in a poor, violence-wracked neighborhood of post-World War II Naples, Italy. The books follow the lives of two best friends, Lila and Lenú, as they grow from intelligent little girls into young women seeking to change their life circumstances. Book three is literally titled Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay. 

The most precocious, most daring, and most gifted friend (at least from Lenú’s perspective) is Lila. And yet it is Lenú herself who goes on to finish high school, leaving Naples and the neighborhood behind for college, marriage, and a career as a writer. Lila, despite her bravado and entrepreneurial spirit, is terrified to leave her familiar surroundings. “‘The better and truer you feel, the farther away you go. If I merely pass through the tunnel of the stradone, I’m scared,’” Lila tells her astonished friend.