Mississippi Native: Mary Miller
"As a child I remember wondering why I was born in Mississippi. I would think of all the places I might have been born and wonder why this place. But why not this place?"
What does it mean to call Mississippi home? Why do people choose to leave or live in this weird, wonderful, and sometimes infuriating place? Today we hear from author Mary Miller who grew up in Jackson and now enjoys being part of a creative community in Oxford, Mississippi.
Where are you from?
Jackson, MS. Now living in Oxford.
Why did you leave Mississippi? Where did you go?
I’ve left Mississippi twice, for fewer than five years total. In 2007, I moved from Meridian to Nashville and worked at Davis-Kidd Booksellers in the Green Hills Mall. Things were not great there ($8 an hour is never great), but I was writing and having some small successes by that point. I returned to Mississippi for graduate school at the Center for Writers at Southern Mississippi—studying with Frederick and Steven Barthelme was a dream—but I wasn’t cut out for the rigors of a PhD program, so I “transferred” to the Michener Center for Writers at the University of Texas for my MFA. It was during this period that I learned to be more independent and create my own support network, but I missed my family and was often homesick.
Why did you return to Mississippi?
I was hanging around Austin post-grad school, waiting for my debut novel to come out and doing a lot of nothing when I was offered an impossible-to-turn-down gig at the University of Mississippi as the Grisham writer in residence. I lived on the large, gated property off Highway 6 that the Grishams had recently donated to the University and, though alone, frequently hosted family and friends. I also adopted a dog that December. I’d wanted to come home, and receiving this appointment confirmed it was the right time. The leaving part was essential, though. If I’d never left, I’d feel much more conflicted about being here.
Was the Mississippi you returned to the same one you had left?
By that point, I’d lived in Jackson, Starkville, Meridian, and Hattiesburg, all of which are remarkably different places, and I wasn’t returning to any of them, so this question is difficult to answer. I can say that I’d avoided Oxford—where my parents and siblings attended college—my whole life. I never wanted to come here, not even to visit (a night with my brother at the Pike house haunts me still), but I love Oxford. I live less than a mile from the square so I can walk to the bookstore and chat with friends or to City Grocery and chat with friends, and I know many of my neighbors. I just passed some freshly pressed watermelon juice and an aloe plant over the fence. Ten-year-ago me would be shocked by my domesticity.
The leaving part was essential, though. If I’d never left, I’d feel much more conflicted about being here.
What does “home” mean to you? How does Mississippi fit into that definition?
Mississippi has always been home. My father’s family has been here for generations. He grew up in Meridian, and I’ve been to family reunions in the tiny town of Rose Hill. My mother’s grandparents came over from Lebanon and settled in Jackson, and there are many Lebanese in Mississippi. We’re related to half, by my estimate, and the rest through marriage. My friend James (Jimmy) Thomas published an amazing project about The Lebanese in Mississippi: An Oral History. Most of my family still lives here, primarily in Jackson and on the Coast. The older we all get, the more it feels necessary to be near them.
How have you cultivated community in Mississippi? Who are the people who have made you feel rooted here?
Oxford is full of writers, musicians, chefs, painters, and ceramicists, which makes being an artist both wonderful and ordinary. And because it’s a small town, there aren’t hierarchies or barriers like there often are in other places. Everyone is friendly with everyone and they’re all at City Grocery on a Thursday night. I’m fortunate that my husband—who’s originally from Brookhaven—has lived here for two decades. We met through friends; we share friends. God forbid we ever break up, I have no idea who’d get who. It is largely my neighbors, however, who make me feel rooted on a daily basis. Waving at dog walkers on my way to the park, Tom Franklin shouting from his van as I check my mail, distributing baked goods when I’ve made too much, which is all the time. In the past few years, this has been particularly beneficial, as we can walk a few houses down and socialize in each other’s backyards.
What’s the weirdest question or assumption you’ve encountered about Mississippi (or about you as a Mississippian) by someone who’s never been here?
There was a reading in New York, circa 2010, when an angry guy accused me of lying about being from Mississippi, as if this were something one would lie about. But I didn’t have the pronounced (fake) accent I suppose he’d heard in movies. In general, I don’t get a lot of weird questions from people when I travel domestically because so many of the people I encounter are other writers who know Mississippi as the home of Faulkner and Welty and Jesmyn Ward, among dozens of other legends. Overseas, people seem to think all Southerners are from Texas. The last time I corrected someone, it ended the conversation.
My mother’s grandparents came over from Lebanon and settled in Jackson, and there are many Lebanese in Mississippi. We’re related to half, by my estimate, and the rest through marriage.
How has living in Mississippi affected your identity and your life’s path?
Writing is a respectable career choice here, or at least not a strange one. Mississippi is proud of its artists and has independent bookstores like Lemuria and Square Books that are institutions in their communities. Growing up in Jackson, Eudora Welty was still visiting with strangers who knocked on her door, holding court over in Belhaven, and Richard Ford went to school with my aunt (technically a second cousin). When I started writing in my late twenties, I wasn’t aware of the ways in which literature was present in my everyday life, but it’s always been here.
What is something that you’ve learned about Mississippi only by living here? In what ways has Mississippi lived up to your expectations?
Because I was born here and went to school here and work here and left only briefly, I never had expectations. As a child I remember wondering why I was born in Mississippi, though. I would think of all the places I might have been born and wonder why this place. But why not this place?
Do you still think about moving away someday? Does a sense of duty keep you rooted here? Do you have a “tipping point”?
I don’t plan on moving away again, for practical reasons like my job, which I love, as an Associate Professor at Mississippi University for Women, but I’d want to stay regardless. My parents are getting older, my aunts and uncles are getting older, and I like living in a town where my younger cousins attend college, even if I don’t see them often. I’m demoralized by all that’s happening, most recently Mississippi House Bill 1315, but censorship—along with other limitations on our autonomy—is happening in many places. I focus on what I can. I vote, support candidates for local office, donate monthly to Planned Parenthood, and do my best to be a positive member of my community.
Oxford is full of writers, musicians, chefs, painters, and ceramicists, which makes being an artist both wonderful and ordinary. And because it’s a small town, there aren’t hierarchies or barriers like there often are in other places.
What do you wish the rest of the country understood about Mississippi?
So many say they’ll “never set foot” here. Meanwhile, these same people happily vacation in Florida and Texas. You can hate a state’s policies, its government, and still support its people. There are unique experiences that you won’t find elsewhere, like Mississippi’s Blues Trail, The Margaret Walker Center at Jackson State, the Natchez Trace, and Gulf Islands National Seashore, which is so beautiful I forgive them for the very expensive ticket I received for having my dog off-leash (in my defense, there was no one else around). Living here can feel like a constant and ever-present pile-on—with Mississippi around, even Alabama gets a pass—and so few see the good we have to offer.
Do you have a favorite Mississippi writer, artist, or musician who you think everyone needs to know about?
We are filthy with writers, but those I return to again and again include Larry Brown, Kiese Laymon, Walker Percy, Ellen Gilchrist, Lee Durkee, Jesmyn Ward, and Elizabeth Spencer. I reread Donna Tartt’s The Secret History every few years, and it’s always a pleasure. I never get tired of it. And I know I’m late to the game for someone who’s been in Oxford nearly a decade, but I’ve been listening to a lot of North Mississippi Hill Country Blues, primarily R.L Burnside, but also Junior Kimbrough and Mississippi Fred McDowell.
If you had one billion dollars to invest in Mississippi, how would you spend your money?
I’d start with the infrastructure in Jackson, where my parents live in the house they’ve been in since 1978. At this point, I’m hesitant to visit because their electricity goes out for days at a time, clean water and trash pickup aren’t guaranteed, and the potholes are so monstrous that driving feels like playing a video game. Many want to stay, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult, especially for the city’s older residents.
So many say they’ll “never set foot” here. Meanwhile, these same people happily vacation in Florida and Texas. You can hate a state’s policies, its government, and still support its people.
What or who do you want to shamelessly promote? (It can absolutely be a project you’re working on, or something you are involved in.)
I’ve been finishing up my third story collection, though I have no idea when it might be available. I’m still trying to nail down a title and have been polling everyone I know, which is maybe not the best way to do this. I’ll link to one of the stories at Southwest Review: ”Speed Bump.”
one of my favorite writers
Thank you, Mary Miller. I enjoyed reading your piece. Our family read Biloxi for our book group and it was interesting to hear from the author! I look forward to reading your other books.